Very recently I had the opportunity to have some time off work and I was very eager to use it to delve into my subconscious and see what new insights were on offer. I love the process of therapy, I love those ‘ah ha’ moments when I suddenly become aware of a new hidden motivation or misbelief. So, like some intrepid inner explorer I posed the question to myself and waited.
I find that the process of seeking will usually produce fruit in my personal development journey. When I set aside time to listen to the inner voice and look for the signs, I will usually come up with some treasures. It may come as vivid dreams, synchronicities, or old memories resurfacing. I have found that just being willing to listen to these whispers from the deep, have led me to true treasures of insight.
This recent dive into the unknown was no less fruitful…
It started with me listening to, and then allowing my deeper feelings to be. I became aware over a few days that I was feeling a bit lonely and mourning the loss of family. My kids were away over Christmas with their mother and her family and I was feeling my thoughts drawn to them and the lovely feeling of family and connection they represented. In the past I would have been very tempted to suppress these emotions and use positive thinking or busyness to avoid them but this time I was willing to allow them and to see the truth they represented.
I have developed a deep certainty that truth can’t really hurt me when applied with love and wisdom.
Although feelings can be painful, I am learning that they are powerful guides to truth. I have developed a deep certainty that truth can’t really hurt me when applied with love and wisdom. So, I am getting better at allowing emotions and exploring them with others I trust.
Due to the time of year and my job, I was surrounded with many others who where away from family at the time as well. Being Christmas, we were also feeling the loss of attachment and connection that the time of year can bring. I found my thoughts and dreams moving towards my ex-in-laws and remembering some special moments of feeling family and connection- presents handed out, walks, conversations. These seemed like frozen moments of time, like a diamond filled with a powerful emotion-filled-image. I found I couldn’t resist gazing into this diamond because it was so beautiful and enchanting, but the beauty was tainted with grief and loss and I would feel tears welling up. I realised in that insight, that this memory had become a trap, like a story book enchanted jewel. I could see if I continued to gaze into this memory frozen in time, I would become trapped in a mini hell of loss, grief and regret.
I realised that this memory had become a trap, like a story book enchanted jewel.
I then had the insight that to become free from this trap I needed to release the memory and allow it to be transformed into gratitude and love. I saw that Life was changing and vibrant, while only death would come if I clung to old ideals and past moments. That these memories really represented one way I had experienced family and that family and connection were important to me. I was then able to release these feelings from the memory and allowed them to motivate and energise my present relationships and interactions.
This insight was quite profound for me. I could see that the more beautiful a memory is, the more power it has to trap us in the past. I started to the see what fairy tales were hinting at – witches trapped by mirrors of their youth, creatures bewitched by rings of power. No matter how beautiful a past memory is, I needed to remember it is only a memory. All memories are our stories about the past not the past themselves. We endow them with magical qualities and treasure them. They can easily become traps for our awareness due to their beauty and sadness. Part of who we are stays with them, stuck in the past like faded photographs. In a way we allow these beautiful ghosts to draw a part of us into the shadows of death.
Memories are precious but don’t allow yourself to be trapped by them.
Memories are precious but don’t allow yourself to be trapped by them. Release the emotions they represent with gratitude for the experience they represented, and allow these released emotions to energise new life in the present. In my real-life example, I saw what I wanted -connection, family – and that this past experience was a hint or taste of the human connection I desired, but that the old memory wasn’t perfect or the only way to experience that connection. I also saw that if I continued to cling to the past experience of human connection, I would stop myself experiencing it now. So I realised that in a way clinging to the enchanted memories was a choice to allow death into that aspect of my life.
Don’t be tempted to turn past experiences into enchanted memories or a part of you may get trapped in them for the rest of your life
Life is filled with the life-death-resurrection cycle, clinging to life after it has passed is a resistance to that cycle and only produces ghouls and ghosts. That is why the grief process is so crucial for a healthy soul. Allow the grief of loss, release attachment to the memory and then experience the emergence of new life as the emotions and desires are transformed.
Don’t be tempted to turn past experiences into enchanted memories or a part of you may get trapped in them for the rest of your life. Instead release the emotions and reaffirm the needs they met, then new life will be released and you can experience their beauty again and again in new and more life affirming ways.
If this article has got you thinking about your own personal development journey, I am also offering a free 45 minute, online, mentor session. In these sessions I listen to your personal journey and help you sit with and learn from the lessons buried in the pain. These sessions are no obligation and are often powerful transformative processes. Click the link above to book a session or message me.